Josh Weed and mixed orientation marriages

Since last evening, I've received a number of messages from people asking for my opinion about last night's Nightline interview of Josh and Lolly Weed. Here is my response to those requests: 

Candidly, I was greatly disappointed…and not because I didn't get air time... :-)

The problem with the interview is that at 10 years of marriage, I was Josh Weed. I know that many of you were also Josh Weed when you were young. Our wives were Lolly. Like Josh and Lolly, we were confident, idealistic, and devoted.

 But, the simple truth is that it becomes more difficult to sustain that confidence and commitment as time passes.

It's interesting that the two poster boys of MOMs, Josh Weed and Ty Mansfield, are both young and relatively inexperienced. Where are the men and women who have been in MOMs for 20, 30, or 40 years? Most of us are divorced and readily acknowledge that our devotion was misspent.

My former wife knew I was gay from nearly the beginning. We built what appeared to others to be the perfect Mormon marriage despite the fact that we were in an MOM. In the end, our marriage wasn't perfect and the pain and heartache we endured to maintain the charade was horrendous. WE DO NOT WANT THAT FOR ANYONE ELSE.

Since coming out I have met countless men who tell the same story, even more men who continue in sham marriages while engaging in promiscuity and deceit. I've met heartbroken faithful women who wonder, "Why me?"

This is the real story of mixed orientation marriages that should be told.

For every happy Josh and Lolly who are still at the beginning of their lives, there are hundreds of men and women who, burdened with pain, anguish, and loneliness, wish they would have done things differently.

I wish Josh and Lolly nothing but the best. At the same time, I recognize the sad truth that mixed orientation marriages are by their nature, fatally flawed, no place for a heterosexual Mormon woman or man...no place for my children.

Those of us who find this situation so reprehensible are not filled with antipathy or anger toward Josh and Lolly. It's just that at the other end of life, we've touched the stove and have been burned severely. As a result, we feel it our obligation to warn others not to touch the stove.

The big word "BUT"

How many times have you heard some well meaning Mormon say something like "I love gay men, BUT I will NEVER condoned their actions." Or, "I've always made it very clear to my gay friends that I love them, BUT I don't support they're lifestyle."

When I was young, I learned something that has stayed with me my entire life...a little insight into English grammar. I learned that when we use "but" in a sentence, we in fact negate everything we have said before the "but".

When we say "I love gay men" and then say "but", we are in fact saying that we really don't love "gay men" unless it's on our terms. 

It's interesting that in all the words of Christ, he never made a statement that was followed by "but". He never said, "Love thy neighbor, but..." He simply said "Love thy neighbor."

The problem with many today is that they insist that relationships and approval are granted on their terms with a HUGE "but" conspicuously hanging in the middle. This seems especially true when dealing with LGBT issues.

I don't think Christ or His Father would be too pleased.

He lifts me up in his perfect love...

On this beautiful Easter day, I feel compelled to thank God for a wonderful world and express my deepest love for him and his son, Jesus. While there is so much evil and contention in the world, there is a sense of peace available to all as well. That peace for me comes from the knowledge that Christ is my redeemer and is the savior of all mankind...even me.

How humbled I am that despite my sinful nature and rebellious ways, Christ loves me, accepts me, and without regard, is willing to lift me up in his perfect love.

President Packer says we're the enemy...

By now, you have probably heard President Packer’s January Seminary sermon in which he relegates those of us who are LGBT to the status of “enemy.”

If you missed it, the talk includes a renewed declaration of war against the LGBT community by a man who sees himself as the Church’s last bastion of heterosexual fidelity. In just six short sentences, President Packer puts us LGBT Saints in our place—outside the fold of God.

It made me sad…

"That damn rainbow flag...."

To set the stage, let me first say that I own a charming well maintained bungalow in the alphabet streets of Salt Lake City’s Sugar House district. The neighborhood is gentrified with 60-70 foot sycamores lining streets that could have come directly from a Frank Capra movie. The residents are a mix of the religious and irreligious, the young and the old, the wealthy and the middle class. This being Sugar House, there are a smattering of homes owned by members of the “Family.”

Russ, my roommate, has a 3X4 foot rainbow flag that he insists on hanging on our front porch. It’s not just on display for the Pride Festival; it is hanging for all to see day after day, week after week, month after month.

Coming out to a friend...and changing the world one small step at a time

A few weeks ago I came out to a client and friend. I hadn’t intended to. He is honestly a good man, but totally ensconced in the bowels of the Utah County culture of fear and homophobia. I assumed that if he knew about my “sexual peculiarities”, it would not serve me or his organization (which needs my consulting expertise) well.

During a business visit, we somehow started talking about a draconian sex-ed bill under consideration by the Utah state legislature. The bill would have restricted school districts to the choice of teaching abstinence only or forgoing sex education altogether. In the abstinence only classes, teachers would have been prohibited from discussing homosexuality under any guise, even in response to questions raised by students.

My friend obviously supported the bill. I, of course, didn’t.

As the discussion ground on, my friend couldn’t help but inform me that without the law, the radical gays would sweep into the classroom promoting sodomy, promiscuity and the greatest demon of them all, gay marriage. I listened politely as he droned, attempting vainly to maintain my tongue and my composure.

A personal story...meth...the real evil among us...

Our new roommate, a recent RM and BYU swim team member, a young man who is articulate, handsome, from a great family, seemingly a guy who has everything going for him, told me Monday he is addicted to methamphetamines.

He said he had a cigarette laced with meth a year and a half ago. It was during his first date after coming out. He was a student at the "Y".

His life has been hell since that single cigarette. He never sleeps. He never eats. He is emaciated physically and spiritually. He looks forward only to his next hit or to death. Either, he says, will give him the peace for which he craves.

I suggested that life is not so bleak. I encouraged him to go home, get help. I assured him that God's grace was sufficient for all, especially for him.

He cried and so did I.

After a week here, he moved out last night. While he vowed he was moving in with a friend, I can't help but believe he is on the streets, another casualty.

My heart breaks for this son of God.

His supplier stopped by this morning looking for him. My heart breaks for him, too.