Friday, July 20, 2012

Josh Weed and mixed orientation marriages

Since last evening, I've received a number of messages from people asking for my opinion about last night's Nightline interview of Josh and Lolly Weed. Here is my response to those requests: 

Candidly, I was greatly disappointed…and not because I didn't get air time... :-)

The problem with the interview is that at 10 years of marriage, I was Josh Weed. I know that many of you were also Josh Weed when you were young. Our wives were Lolly. Like Josh and Lolly, we were confident, idealistic, and devoted.

 But, the simple truth is that it becomes more difficult to sustain that confidence and commitment as time passes.

It's interesting that the two poster boys of MOMs, Josh Weed and Ty Mansfield, are both young and relatively inexperienced. Where are the men and women who have been in MOMs for 20, 30, or 40 years? Most of us are divorced and readily acknowledge that our devotion was misspent.

My former wife knew I was gay from nearly the beginning. We built what appeared to others to be the perfect Mormon marriage despite the fact that we were in an MOM. In the end, our marriage wasn't perfect and the pain and heartache we endured to maintain the charade was horrendous. WE DO NOT WANT THAT FOR ANYONE ELSE.

Since coming out I have met countless men who tell the same story, even more men who continue in sham marriages while engaging in promiscuity and deceit. I've met heartbroken faithful women who wonder, "Why me?"

This is the real story of mixed orientation marriages that should be told.

For every happy Josh and Lolly who are still at the beginning of their lives, there are hundreds of men and women who, burdened with pain, anguish, and loneliness, wish they would have done things differently.

I wish Josh and Lolly nothing but the best. At the same time, I recognize the sad truth that mixed orientation marriages are by their nature, fatally flawed, no place for a heterosexual Mormon woman or place for my children.

Those of us who find this situation so reprehensible are not filled with antipathy or anger toward Josh and Lolly. It's just that at the other end of life, we've touched the stove and have been burned severely. As a result, we feel it our obligation to warn others not to touch the stove.