My anniversary...

Today is my anniversary.

Two years ago today I decided that it was time to take the leap, time to crack the closet door, time to let a little fresh air into what had become my dark and stifling existence. Two years ago today I made the decision to step into a world that had beckoned for a lifetime, yet seemed a lifetime away.

Two years ago today I resolved to come out, to leave pretense and affectation behind me, and accept with all the ramifications and consequences life as a gay man.

That decision was the best decision I ever made. Although the transition from the straight world to a bent one was at times intimidating if not frightening, it was also enervating and enlightening. By facing my fears and realizing that in the end, there was actually nothing to fear, I found peace and I became a better man.

While my decision to live an honest life left no small share of shock and heartbreak in its wake, it became a force unto itself that propelled me forward as only inertia can.

And I continue to move forward.

My life today is not what I imagined it would be two years ago. As with all things of value, there is a price that must be paid for living with integrity. The investment, however, has had incredible returns.

I can breathe freely and live without fear. I can be a whole man, complete and unencumbered. I can finally fulfill the measure of my creation as God desires for all of his children.

I understand the meaning of joy.

On suffering and joy...

Yesterday I read a wonderful post by my dear friend Invictus Pilgrim containing an essay by Callan Williams about crucifixion people and resurrection people. I found the article thought provoking.

As Latter-day Saints, we subscribe to Lehi's aphorism, "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." Unfortunately, we all too often place the emphasis on the "fall" rather than the "joy".

While suffering as a result of the fall is an essential part of our experience ("...there is an opposition in all things. If not so...righteousness could not be brought to pass."), joy is central to our divine nature and our eternal mission.

Just as the resurrection ultimately triumphed over the crucifixion, so joy must ultimately triumph over suffering.

When we learn to find joy in the trials, tedium and minutiae of our lives, we begin to sense that spirit which makes us whole and transforms us and our nature to that which God actually desires for all of his children.

Heavenly Father, I think, intends that each of us endure from time to time our own sense of crucifixion, but if we are to become like him we must ultimately transcend the suffering of the cross and open our hearts to the light and hope of the resurrection.