It’s been a while since I’ve spoken with many of you so I thought I’d write a quick note to bring you all up to date.
My recent decisions have, I’m sure, caused no end of anxiety and turmoil. I am truly sorry for that. If there was any way I could find peace in my life without hurting you, I would have done it. But some things are inevitable and this was one of those things. It was just a matter of time and it’s usually healthier to lance the boil earlier than later.
And so, my family, the boil has been lanced. The healing can now finally begin.
For me, I’ve never felt such peace and pure joy in my life. There are no more secrets; there is no more hiding; there is no overwhelming fear that someone will discover that I’m not who I claim to be. There are no more vain attempts to live one way and be another.
The inner anger that has been a constant companion for most of my life is gone, leaving me with a sense of serenity that I could before only imagine. As Mom has said a dozen times over the last four weeks, if I could always have been as happy and at ease as I am now, her life would have been so much easier.
Please believe me. For the first time I am at peace—I’m content. No second thoughts. No regrets.
This tells me that I’m doing the right thing. I’m beginning to understand what God meant when he said that men are that they might have joy. For the first time, I’m actually tasting a fullness of it.
Please recognize that I love your mother dearly. Her happiness is and will always be my priority. Hopefully this will provide her an opportunity to find a sense of completeness that she deserves and has never experienced. As she readily acknowledges, remaining in what has always been a shell of a marriage would only increase her anger and bitterness. Life is too short for that.
Mom will continue to be my best friend and confidante. We will probably talk every day and see each other regularly. When she needs help, a hug, or a listener, I will be there for her. That will not change. I’ll continue to provide for her and ensure she has the financial means to live comfortably. Although she will be lonely at the start, she has a wonderful family and great friends to see her through all of this.
As for me, my life is good. I’ve got two new clients and a whole pile of projects. As most of you know, I’m trying to buy a home in Sugar House. It’s a beautiful 4 bedroom bungalow in a super neighborhood. I’m planning to rent out the basement to make things not so lonely for me and to make the house payment a little less painful. Hopefully we will get things wrapped up by the end of August and I’ll move to Sugar House by Labor Day. Mom and I would like for the divorce to be final by the middle of September.
Going forward, I see our family continuing to be close and committed to one another. With *****, ***** and *** in Utah, it will definitely be easier to get together. (Sorry ***** and *****. You two are still the odd men out.) Please feel free to call me regularly. Your support and love means the world to me. As I’ve said many times, if you have any questions or concerns, please let me know.
I love you all and pray for each of you.