Almost 4 months have passed since my last post. Those four months have been among the best of my life. I am divorced and have established myself as an independent, fully open gay man. I have begun creating a variety of friendships and finding a place in the gay community. I feel at peace with my decisions and have confidence in the direction those decisions are taking me.
There are only two regrets with which I struggle. I regret that my new life, which is a source of joy and honest contentment for me, is causing my former wife and our children heartache. I'm sure these feelings of sadness will eventually subside, but seeing the people I love struggle with the implications of my decision is difficult.
The second regret involves my feelings about the Church. While my testimony of the Restoration is as strong as ever, my experience with local ecclesiastical leaders and the experience of nearly all of my friends make it difficult for me to remain active. While I continue to attend meetings each Sunday, I do so with sadness. It seems that while Church leaders talk of acceptance of all of God's children at the table of Christ, only those who fit the pattern of the potential god may actually partake. Since I have no interest in godhood as I currently understand it, the most I can enjoy of the meal of Christ is its aroma--insufficient motivation for me to remain at the table.
And so I come to my last paragraph. I am now unmarried and my ties to the Church, tenuous. As a result, any future posts on this blog fall outside its original intent.
Let me close, as any good Latter-day Saint might do, with my testimony. I know that I have been guided by my Heavenly Father over these last years to find joy. I now feel that joy. That is the sum and total of our purpose: "Men are that they might have joy." For that joy I am truly grateful.
It seems trite to say it, but I'll say it anyway because I mean it sincerely: All the best to you. Thank you for your sharing a part of your journey with the rest of us bloggers and readers. I'm glad to hear you're finding joy in your life.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it interesting that your testimony of the restoration is as strong as ever. As I struggle with some of the leadership positions, my testimony of the restoration is even stronger.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you've found joy. I, too, appreciate your giving voice to your journey, even if it isn't what you started out to explore. Often unblazed trails end that way.