My first New Year's Eve...I'm out to find a man...

It's my first New Year's Eve out to the world and I'm not going to spend it sitting at home. I'm not just going to be out, I'm actually going out!

Thanks to my new favorite book, The Secret, I know this is the night I'll find my man. I've been sending vibes to the universe all day. The universe won't, thank goodness, let me down.

As in everything worth doing, preparation is the key. First there's the obligatory trip to the gym. The arms and pecs are pumped and throbbing. The abs and ass are tight and firm. Not bad, not bad.

After the gym comes the obligatory spray on tan and a quick laser tooth whitener. Getting better, getting better.

Then it's home where the real fun begins--trying to decide which pair of holey jeans and which skin-tight shirt to choose to cloth my bulging body. I want something that will stretch enough to emphasize my pecs, sheer enough to show off my veins and just the right color to complement my Mystic.

I go to my closet wearing only my yellow Calvins and grab a dozen shirts and pants to begin mixing and matching. Wow, I never thought getting dressed could be so much fun! After thirty minutes, I'm satisfied: a dazzling white Abercrombie thermal, blue/black R&R skinnies and my new black Converse hightops. I am HOT!

The doorbell rings. I quickly douse myself with a little Escape, rumple my hair just enough to make it look windblown and run out to meet my destiny....