Here's to the fruit of the loom!

Damn, I love underwear. Now I'm not talking about Munsingwear, Hanes or the Wal-Mart house brand and I'm definitely not thinking about the religious variety. I'm talking about the real stuff, the soft,

silky, butt-hugging, pigment laden, sometimes even equipment enhancing underwear that feels better on than actually wearing nothing at all.

Not too long ago, I found myself grazing Ebay without much forethought or direction. Before you could say Aussie Bum,I discovered myself browsing with more than a little interest through page after page of men's undies. For a guy who has spent most of his life choosing between white cotton and white cotton mesh, I suddenly felt like a boy on his first trip to Cooperstown.

Of course, there were the old fashioned whitey tighties and the baggy boxers. Common, definitely not cool, and in fact, kind of embarrassing. (I can remember as a small boy watching my grandfather stumble around the house in dingy, well-worn jockeys riding low on his hips. Folks--that memory is not pretty.)

My first New Year's Eve...I'm out to find a man...

It's my first New Year's Eve out to the world and I'm not going to spend it sitting at home. I'm not just going to be out, I'm actually going out!

Thanks to my new favorite book, The Secret, I know this is the night I'll find my man. I've been sending vibes to the universe all day. The universe won't, thank goodness, let me down.

As in everything worth doing, preparation is the key. First there's the obligatory trip to the gym. The arms and pecs are pumped and throbbing. The abs and ass are tight and firm. Not bad, not bad.

After the gym comes the obligatory spray on tan and a quick laser tooth whitener. Getting better, getting better.

Then it's home where the real fun begins--trying to decide which pair of holey jeans and which skin-tight shirt to choose to cloth my bulging body. I want something that will stretch enough to emphasize my pecs, sheer enough to show off my veins and just the right color to complement my Mystic.