Here's to the fruit of the loom!

Damn, I love underwear. Now I'm not talking about Munsingwear, Hanes or the Wal-Mart house brand and I'm definitely not thinking about the religious variety. I'm talking about the real stuff, the soft,

silky, butt-hugging, pigment laden, sometimes even equipment enhancing underwear that feels better on than actually wearing nothing at all.

Not too long ago, I found myself grazing Ebay without much forethought or direction. Before you could say Aussie Bum,I discovered myself browsing with more than a little interest through page after page of men's undies. For a guy who has spent most of his life choosing between white cotton and white cotton mesh, I suddenly felt like a boy on his first trip to Cooperstown.

Of course, there were the old fashioned whitey tighties and the baggy boxers. Common, definitely not cool, and in fact, kind of embarrassing. (I can remember as a small boy watching my grandfather stumble around the house in dingy, well-worn jockeys riding low on his hips. Folks--that memory is not pretty.)

From there things got a little more exciting. The colors were a veritable rainbow; from alizarin, amaranth, amber, and auburn to wenge, wisteria, xanadu and zaffre. (Please don't make me memorize every color to keep my gay card--please...)

The patterns were equally mesmerizing. Of course there were solids followed by stripes, moving on to circles and squares and paisleys and polka dots and swirls with strategically placed vortexes. There were pictures and flags and logos and cartoon characters and just plain words.

Finally, I noted the designs themselves and was enthralled with the variety. Briefs, boxers, boxer briefs, bikinis, mini boxers, jocks, g-strings, tri-strings, low-rise, mid-rise, full-rise and high-rise. And don't forget the ubiquitous thongs (you can imagine my surprise when I learned the strap didn't go between the toes, but between the cheeks--what will they think of next!).

It quickly became clear that regardless of the panoply of color, print and style, all these under things were carefully designed for guys like me to emphasize the present rather than the package (Hmmm, on second thought, I guess the present is the package....).

Anyway, as any typical gay guy would do after his inhibitions evaporate from unwarranted heat, I got out my credit card and bought, bought, bought.

Two weeks later, my dresser is filled with nearly every color of every design of every style on Ebay. I must admit that some of these undies are made better than others, some fit better than others, and some look better than others, but the thing I love best about every single pair--they are all mine and when I put them on, I feel great!