Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The need for friends...

Last night I had dinner with my freshman roommate. It was the first time we have had opportunity to talk since I began coming out nearly two years ago.

This roommate was my savior that first year of college. I was lonely, away from home for the first time, lost in the maze that was BYU. He was tall, handsome, brave, intelligent and kind beyond words. We became inseparable. His friendship gave me the courage and strength to remain in school and remold what would have been a dark and difficult time into what became one of the happiest periods of my life.

When I decided to begin the process of reconciling my homosexuality with the world, I was fortunate enough to meet a group of men at a function for gay fathers. We quickly bonded and began to rely heavily on one another for advice, guidance and support. We talked, we shared, we laughed, we became the best of friends. Through that friendship our lives were enriched and uplifted, our individual burdens lightened, and our journeys made easier.

As I've since talked with men about their transitions from the darkness of the closet to the sunlight of truth, the importance of good friends to ease that transition comes up over and over again. Those who had friends to offer guidance, support and love, made that transition with few emotional scars. In contrast, those who came out alone were often plagued by loneliness, anxiety and depression.

As a man of faith, I thank God daily for my friends and the charity, that pure love of Christ, they have shown me. My life is good because of them. My life is rich because of them. I am confident and at peace because of them. My life has meaning because of my love for them.

I hope that each of us can be a friend to others as my friends have been to me. That small deed would add so much love and hope to our lives and to the world in which we all often struggle.


  1. Your post brings a lot of good feelings. I have been the recipient of the kinds of friendships you talk about and I consider myself fortunate to be that lucky!

  2. Good friends are hard to come by, in my experience. The one friend who I thought would be by my side regardless seemed to have issues when it came right down to it. I had to say goodbye. I miss her. But there are other people who have taken her place that truly understand my plight. Good friends are invaluable.

  3. I appreciated your post here. I agree, good friends, and good support are invaluable.

    I have a friend of many years- she is a straight woman with 6 grown children. I can talk to her about anything. She never judges. She listens. She is sympathetic and compassionate with my plight as a gay woman in the LDS Church. She knows my heart. She tells me her opinions. She is sad with me when I lose a relationship. She knows everything about me and she is still here. I am so blessed. I wish everyone had a friend like her.

    Thank you, again, for your timely post.

  4. So Clive, I was hoping to read about your catch-up conversation with your freshman roommate. How are things the same and different? I would assume you came out to him...but no?

    Indeed, we are blessed when we reach out and have good friends to share the path with.