He even expressed empathy for the difficult position in which I now find myself—a man who desires to maintain some connection with the Church while at the same time remaining committed to finding a partner of my gender with whom I can ultimately marry and spend my life.
This bishop was sensitive about my position but direct in its implications. If I choose to continue coming to church, he said, I will be excommunicated. If I just fade into the neighborhood with no overt affiliation with the ward, my church membership will remain intact.
That is my conundrum. I find spiritual strength attending my meetings, serving with my neighbors, and feeling the support that comes with Gospel interaction. I read my New Testament lessons and find that Christ was specific that his Gospel was meant for all God’s children, not just the righteous. He condemned the Pharisees as hypocrites for refusing to worship with those who were sinners.
On the other hand, according to my bishop, if I leave quietly, my membership will stand and the implications of that membership as it affects my former wife, my children and my grandchildren will remain in full force.
Many of you have been clear with regard to what I should do. Based on your own experience, which admittedly is often much more extensive than my own, you see my current position as merely a temporary resting place, that true peace of conscience will never be achieved until I break free of the bonds with which I am bound to a bigoted and homophobic organization, that my relationship with Christ is what matters rather than a tie, no matter how nebulous, to a patriarchy dominated by men who have little experience, knowledge or understanding of the trials we endure.
But I value my church membership. I value being part of the community of Christ. If my membership can remain intact as an inactive Latter-day Saint, why must I be excommunicated if I choose to attend my Sunday meetings and fellowship with the Saints?
How odd this all is. How upside down. Is this really what Christ would want?
Your situation is exactly why I stopped attending church. Sadly there is no perfect solution.
ReplyDeleteIf I choose to continue coming to church, he said, I will be excommunicated.
ReplyDeleteHow plainer a disinvitation could there be?
The Church's stance is clear: Anyone actively living as a homosexual is sinning, with the sin being sexual in nature and thus among the most serious. That's the Church. I personally respect it's right to take this position.
ReplyDeleteHaving long ago come to understand that the Church is just another social organization with set and accepted norms, I've not had any interest in actively being a part of the organization. And (sadly) I am not living an active homosexual lifestyle.
In my view, one either accepts the Church's view and lives according to the organization's standards, or rejects the view and moves on.
Your Bishop is way off the mark. Even if you're excommunicated you can attend Church and be as active and involved as you want to be. You just won't hold a calling or be asked to speak or pray. Telling you to leave to "keep your status" is a subtle form of persecution. As a Bishop, he should act on your transgressions (assuming you have some) whether you come to Church or not. There's something up with this guy...
ReplyDeleteI find spiritual strength attending my meetings, serving with my neighbors, and feeling the support that comes with Gospel interaction.
ReplyDeleteYou can continue to do this as an ex-member (whether you are excommuicated or voluntarily resign from the church). I would suggest that you could also find spiritual strength in other venues (other churches, meditation, communing with nature, etc.) if you discover (as many have) that attending the LDS church as a "Post Mormon" is too difficult. You can certainly serve your neighbors equally well in or out of the LDS church.
...the implications of that membership as it affects my former wife, my children and my grandchildren will remain in full force.
What implications are these? Your membership (or lack thereof) only affects your family to the extent that they allow it to. Their status in the church is not impacted by yours (or at least it certainly shouldn't be). They may be disappointed if you leave, but that reaction is theirs to choose and to own.
We had my parents over to dinner last night and the discussion turned to some issues that Sarah has had in getting a year-end tithing statement for tax purposes (the removal of my membership record complicated things slightly, since we had paid tithing "jointly" toward the beginning of the year). My parents seemed a bit uncomfortable with the reminder that I am no longer a member (and my stepmom confidently stated that I'd be back some day). But that was their reaction, and they chose it, and I am not responsible for it.
Your bishop has it backwards, of course (as others have mentioned), but then the church itself does, too. A "repentant" same-gender attracted man who "confesses" to his bishop about his weekly dalliances will usually only be lightly reprimanded or put on probation, while a "non-repentant" gay man who is in a committed monogamous relationship will almost certainly be excommunicated. Not quite the same situation as what you describe, but there are similarities.
The truth is (and you know this as well as anyone) the church cares most about its image. The church cares more about appearing to be a "community of Saints" than it does the individual welfare of any of its members. An "active" member who's also actively gay makes the church look permissive and tolerant of a behavior that it has publicly condemned. He needs to be excommunicated as an example to others who might otherwise choose a similar path. Someone who slides "below the radar", though, as an actively gay man who is not obviously a member of the church, will not adversely impact the church's image and can therefore be left alone.